All about Jes

After so long....

2010-11-01T16:36:00.001+08:00

It has been awhile since I last blog. The last post was actually in Jan. This year had been a tough year with a lot of up and down for me. In Jan, I need to go for operation to get rid of the blood cyst in my pituitary gland. Shortly after operation, I got pregnant in Mar. In Apr, I knew that I was pregnant with twins and I was so happy. The happy times don’t last. My babies’ heartbeat stopped in Jul. I was super sad. I never expected that I will experience mid term pregnancy termination. Until now, it had been 3 months but I still can’t get over it. My hormones still imbalance and doc advised me not to get pregnant yet. Why am I having so many probs? Why is it so hard for me to have a baby?

Week 17

2010-07-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

Thoughts of the day

2010-01-24T12:00:00.002+08:00

I have not been updating for so long. Have been very busy with work and alot of things happened. No mood to update. I suddenly have a strong feeling that family members are very important. When you are down or sick, they are the ones who are always there and not your "friends". Friends are only there when there is fun. When there is trouble, see where your friends are. Alot of stupid young people put their friends first and neglect their family. When they are older then they know. I wonder how can i knock sense to my kids in future. I would want my kids to be family oriented. I must train them from young. However there is a bad example at home! Sigh.I will have a new chapter, brand new chapter. From this moment onwards, i must relax and dont think so much. Everything after tomorrow will be fine and smooth for me.....

I won an Iphone!

2009-12-18T11:58:00.002+08:00

Yipee, i won an iphone. Wahaha. Jasmine saw my name published in yesterday Newpaper. I didnt really participate in any contest, i just signed up SingTel mybill and so lucky. So happy today. Cant wait to receive the notification letter to collect my phone :)

Sick of updating

2009-12-02T14:33:00.001+08:00

Update, update, update. Everyday keep updating. After updating Zing Ying’s file, now my file… sickening. I hate all these. Then after all these updating, need to clear invoices again. And then continue to update again…what the hell are all these updating, never ending.

Another shock again :(

2009-11-06T14:06:00.002+08:00

This year is not a good year for me. I have just received a shocking new. My colleague will give birth anytime. Her cervix already dilate 3cm liao. It’s 3 weeks earlier. The previous colleague who quitted also suddenly go on MC before she goes and left back all the outstanding work. I have no idea on how to continue their work. I am not familiar and I am totally lost now. I really don’t know what to do. Very helpless. Oh God, please direct me. What other news are there? My heart cannot take it. I really feel like giving up

Another shock again :(

2009-11-06T14:06:00.001+08:00

Very tired

2009-11-05T10:10:00.001+08:00

These few days were damn busy. Super tiring. Last night was the first night i ever sleep so well, didnt wake up at all. This is because i am super duper tired le. I am still not awake yet. Whole body aching. There are still so many things to do :( I really cannot imagine when Zing Ying not around, how will be the situation....I really cannot imagine. I don't want to know :( Can i disappear just like that???????

I hate everything

2009-11-03T10:31:00.000+08:00

Today I was referred by my company clinic doc to KK hospital because of my irregular menses. Went there to see and again spent $100over and didn’t get to know anything much. She now refer me to another fertility doc and wanted me to do many blood tests which cost almost $250 L Spending and spending, I really hate myself. Why do I have to face all these? What kind of punishment am I having??????????

Christmas presents for the kids

2009-11-01T21:59:00.002+08:00

My friend went USA, have ask her to get some sweaters or jackets from Old Navy, Carters or Osh Kosh for my nieces and nephew. It's cheaper to get from there. Have told her their age range from 1 yrs to 8 yrs old, hope she can get the right size for me. The last round, the jackets she bought were really nice. Have asked her to look out for the same kind of patterns for me. Thanks Jean :)

Really stress, mental blocki

2009-10-28T21:58:00.002+08:00

Zing Ying had started to teach me her monthly work. It's really very difficult, i cant absorb anymore. Her work really takes up alot of time. I don't have time to do my own work. I am really having mental block le. If they continue to squeeze in more things, i will forget more and more things....

Today, Michelle,one of my colleague who is also Zing Ying's aunt said something which i find it very hurting. "You're going to give birth le, why worry so much. Let Jeslyn go and worry mah". Yes, i know i cant go on maternity mah, i have to go thru budget and do her work. Both of us try to have a year end baby so that we can escape budgeting period mah and yes i am a failure, i cant make it. But she no need to say such things mah. I know that is her niece and she take care of her so i am nobody, who cares about me :'''( I stress is my own problem. Sometime thinking back, helping ppl so much really not worth it. I am just a nobody to them, you die is your own prob, no one will help you. You think about others but will they give a thought on you............

Here it comes again :(

2009-10-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

It's just 20 days after my last mense, today it comes again.............for god's sake, can't i just have regular menses?? I have come for 3 weeks the last time, now it come again. I have already on medication, what is wrong with me. Damn sian. Totally no mood, no wonder for the past one week, i am having PMS, feel like punching people. Everything also gets on my nerve. Argh........

Kose 2 Way cake

2009-10-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

ESPRIQUE PRECIOUS DRAMATICAL STAY PACT UV EX

* An innovative long lasting powder foundation for spring/summer. With the compounded “Film Fix Powder,” it creates a stronger makeup coating by blending with sweat and facial oil to realize longer lasting than ever before. A 2 way type that can be used also with water.
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* Pure Cover Powder that creates natural skin color and Zero Shine Powder that creates transparency, delivering a lively and bright skin finish and prevent dullness for long period of time.
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* Fragrance free.
* Allergy tested.(May still cause allergy symptoms for some people)

Used once. Selling at $40

Simple decision also don't know how to decide...

2009-10-12T14:15:00.001+08:00

Buay tahan. Every single little thing also ask me how. My sis ask whether should she go over to her MIL's house or not. Please lor, such a simple thing, no need to come and bother me right. Want to go over, just go la. Don’t want to go, just don’t go la. hack care what they will say. Anyway, whatever they say, she also unhappy wad. Just now, I say I don’t have time to think for her and give her the very sian tone. I bet she is angry again. I don’t care already. My work is piling and I have to take all her stupid complaints. Never ending.

No fucking mood to work

2009-10-12T09:31:00.001+08:00

Today totally no mood to work. Don’t know why am I so frustrated. Just feel like bashing someone up, punch something……..Sickening to see the people here. Absoutely no mood. They really think I am very good, I have to cover the most complicated work from Zing Ying. Her monthly report and OPEX budget. See how long I can survive lor. As far as I could…………………..

Always stuck with the 2 old ones

2009-10-11T11:53:00.002+08:00

Staying together already have no choice, weekend also cannot leave us alone. We are suppose to go back my mum's place then after that go out and walk. Just now his mum ask us whether want to go his uncle's house at Khatib. Ultimate motive is to send them there and fetch them back wad. Everytime think for herself first. Every weekend also like that. I only go back my mu's place twice a month, also cannot let us have our own time. Yesterday already send the Australia relatives and Grandpa here and there liao, still not enough. Feel like selling away the car. Think got car very happy meh? Worse than a taxi driver, no income one. With this kind of arrangement all the time isn't happy at all :(

A surprise!

2009-10-10T10:33:00.002+08:00

Dear just came back from Bangkok yesterday. He said he got a surprise present for me and ask me to find. I search all the drawers but couldn't find and finally found it in our top cabinet of our wardrobe. He bought me a Coach handbag :) He said that's my present cos we are approaching our 10th years anniversary soon. Gosh, time flies, it's going to be our 10th years together. Hope after this anniversary, a new member can be added to form a complete family :) I must stay positive. I love you dear.

How to slim down?

2009-10-08T13:39:00.000+08:00

Jialat, why am I keep on growing heavier and heavier??????? I am now as heavy as a pregnant woman in her 8th mth pregnancy. She is jus 0.5kg heavier than me. Faint. I already eat very little, exercise abit but why cant my weight go down….Really sian, I want to slim down but how…..Sigh. I really don't know what is happening within my body

Menses never end

2009-10-02T15:10:00.003+08:00

Today is already my 3rd week ever since i come menses. It is still not finishing yet. My god, when is it gg to end......Why i got so many prob. Really very sian. Lost alot of blood. Just wan to have regular menses also difficult.... :(

Another colleague quit!

2009-09-30T10:36:00.001+08:00

Another colleague quit again! Yesterday she throw letter infront of all of us in the meeting room. Steady sia. 3 colleagues quitted. When director talked to her, she actually tell her that she is scare of taking over Malaysia. Cos she saw me crying when I am too stress. My god, now everyone knew I cried…:( I don’t know where to hide :(

The nightmare had started

2009-09-29T09:49:00.001+08:00

Just received the call letter for budget from director. The nightmare had started….. This afternoon, we will have a meeting on how are we gg to arrange the duties among the Junior officers.. I really don’t want to know what am I gg to do. I am already having panic attack..:(

No arrangement made yet!!!!!!!!

2009-09-22T09:27:00.001+08:00

Mdm Quek is leaving in one week time. No arrangment is made! I don’t understand what are they thinking. Are they expecting me to take over her duties. Fat hope. Please! I am not a super woman. Today another colleague hand in letter. See, one fine day this dept need to close shop or the managers have to do themselves when everyone quit. I am not going to give myself stress. If they are going to dump everything to me, i will hand in letter liao.....

Making my first blanket

2009-09-22T08:40:00.007+08:00

Have been searching for cloth over the long weekend. Only until yesterday I got some nice cloths. Was very happy with my loots. We went People's Park. We walked and walked and thought couldn’t find any nice cloth. Then it was like a flash when I caught an eye on the Hello Kitty fabric! I didn’t expect to see it there. Haha. I bought 2 yards of it. I also bought satin cloth for my backing and batting to insert in the middle.

Preparing the fabric is tired. Drawing the outline and cutting squares by squares also tough. Very hard to cut nicely, got a lot of frays at the sides of the square but bopian. Sewing on the line is also difficult, when I step onto the machine, it just go very fast and tend to slant abit. I took 5 hrs to prepare and join them together for 5 rows of 9 squares.

Here are the cloths I bought at Toa Payoh. It was ex, Arab street and People's Park cheaper.

My collection of cloth

Half way done.

Close up

What is the point of asking............

2009-09-15T08:46:00.000+08:00

Recently I find it very stressful to face my parent in laws. My mother in law keep asking me to apply for teaching position. The prob is I check le and I have to pass O level English in order to be a kindergarden teacher. Teaching is not so easy lor, why should I quit a stressful job and get myself another stressful job. Nowadays kids are hard to teach. Why she think it's so easy? Ask her daughter go and teach lor since she likes challenges.

My father in law keep asking how is my work, has it been settle…The prob is the worst scenario has not come yet. It will be in Nov. What is the point of asking when they cannot solve my prob. I do not wish to talk about it at all. Sian lor. Why time flies so fast? It's mid Sep already. when the day gets nearer, the more pressure I feel. I really wish Oct never comes………...

1st Year Anniversary

2009-09-14T09:52:00.005+08:00

Time passed very fast. Yesterday was our 1st year anniversary. We went Crowne plaza hotel at Changi T3 for dinner. The restaurant name is Azur restaurant. Service was good however the food variety wasn’t a lot. Was abit disappointed in the food variety. My colleague was still praising the food was nice.

The lights are very dim.

Below are the food i ate.

Salmon, very fresh

Deserts

A mixture of food. Sweet and sour fish was nice

Drunken prawns, Jason ate, i dun eat prawns

Tahu Goreng

Overall, everything was so so. Not really worth the price.

Nothing I can do but to live on with it

2009-09-07T08:48:00.000+08:00

I duno why. Whenever I face my computer, I will have extremely painful headache. My head is like gg to burst. Then I feel like crying, always crying non stop. I am really unhappy.

Yesterday jus brought out my courage and tell my in laws. They don’t really support my decision but ask me to relax. Do whatever I can. Telling ppl to relax is very easy, they are not standing at my position.

Anyway, there is nothing I can do but to live on with it. I have been living under no choice condition. Nothing I can do.

I am very scare I get depression. I am having stupid thoughts of ending everything. I don’t want!!! God, please bless me. Please let me forget everything.

Miracle????

2009-09-04T10:06:00.000+08:00

Is there really miracle????? Can it happen on me? I need a change badly :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIN79n4jVo&feature=related

Feeling blue

2009-09-04T09:37:00.001+08:00

This is the first time i blog everyday. Alot of thoughts came to me. My mind is fully occupied.

Is it really something wrong with me? I couldn’t control my emotions, couldn't sleep at night. I don't dare to look at ppl face to face, my eyes are swollen. My direct manager keep checking on me, asking me if I can cope. He ask me to do something but he don't dare to rush me. I guess he is scare I will resign too. But I really cannot cope when Nov comes. No matter got anyone come and help or not. All of them know it's very stressful. But they cannot sacrifice me like that..

Few days ago, I thought my mense come but it was having brown discharge for 3 days and today a little red, less than 5cent coin. Is my mense coming or not….. Very sian leh. dragging like that. I am really very tired of it…..feel like giving up on everything.

Regrets

2009-09-03T22:22:00.002+08:00

Biggest regret is to go for my degree. For what get that piece of paper and can't get a new job! Just because you got no experience or irrelevant experience (quoted by "them")? No one give me a chance, how to gain experience.

2nd regret is to marry late. Seeing other ppl all have kids and i don't have. Seriously, i am very envy....and very sad. All they say is "don't worry la, soon will be your turn". When? When the day i no need to worry and stress over work lor.

3rd regret is to agree to go over to GCP which is what i am doing now. I thought by taking over Siew Pheng's job which is financially related can help me to gain some experience so that i can find a new job soon. They do budgeting, payment of invoices, tracking of budget, etc etc. But so what, i am stressing myself too much. Completely change of work scope is too drastic a change for me. Mentally cannot absorb. But who care about me....No one care whether i can do it or not. Just do it. Get it done by what time...this is urgent...All the shit things.

Since taking over her job, my life changed drastically. My menses don't come regularly. I have to depend on medication. I put on weight because of the side effects. Why am i sacrificing myself for a stupid job where no one appreciate my work. Work so hard and yet what i get. They're expecting too much on me. I couldn't take it anymore. It's time for me to make a decision........

What had happened to me!

2009-09-02T14:10:00.001+08:00

I am so sad. Just now saw the Hush puppies shorts got sales. Judy, Joyce and I wanted to buy. Each of us took XL and XXL to try. Judy and Joyce can wear XL and I cant even fit into XXL!!!!!!!!!! I need to wear XXXL!!!!!!!!!!! Boo Woo. Really feel like committing suicide. I have grow so much. Argh!!!!!!!! I cannot believe myself. I hate my body so much. Why am I so fat now? That stupid pills! I am so scare to meet up with friends now. When I see friends outside, I don’t dare to approach them. They will start asking me if I am pregnant otherwise wondering what had happened to me. All cant believe that I put on so much weight…. :(

To quit or not to quit (major decision)

2009-09-01T11:37:00.001+08:00

I am defeated. My the other colleague hand in resignation letter before me. she is clever. Now is the best time to quit cos next mth onwards will have to struggle with budget..another colleague is gg to give birth in Nov. I am gg to die young if I continue to work like that. Should I quit? I really cannot take it if everything is on me. If a new person come in also jialat, I will not be able to teach him or her because I am not very clear myself. What am I supposed to do???????????? I am really lost.

If I quit, what will be the outcome. Will my in laws nag at me? I will not be able to give my parents money, how? I am tired of life. Can someone please guide me :'''''(

What is actually wrong with me?

2009-09-01T09:45:00.000+08:00

Why cant I be like normal woman? Having menses regularly, knowing where is the ovulation……all this seems to be very hard to achieve for me. Do I want all this to happen to me? how can I be more optimistic on this issue. Super hard.

I know I am pessimistic but I cant help it. I am trying not to think about it but the thoughts just always on my mind. I hate the waiting period. The period wan to come or not? I don’t know. When is it coming? I don’t know. How many days is my menses? I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!! I wan to know what the hell is happening. I am scare of ppl telling me and advising what am I suppose to do. God, please help me.

Hate lending ppl things

2009-08-28T09:15:00.001+08:00

Sickening. Why must we always lending her things. Every little gadgets, we paid ourselves, she just conveniently borrow. Since when she buy something and lend to us. Jus take our first camera for example, we hardly use, I think she use more than we do. Now battery spoil liao and that's it. We bought a new camera for our wedding shooting. Now she also keep borrowing whenever her friends got birthday or outings. I very scare of her one lor. She is absent minded and always spoiling things. Everytime spoil things le, the rest will just say NEVERMIND LA. Now aim my video cam, she better make sure my video cam is in good condition when she returns. My purpose of buying the video cam has not been accomplished. I don't want a spoilt video cam back. I will make sure she pay for it!

Prob, prob and more prob

2009-08-24T10:02:00.003+08:00

I totally understand my sister's situation. Yes, she needs a helper when Alan is not around. Staying alone is not easy. But what can I do? I can’t be possibly stay over her house when my hubby is around. Even he's not around, my in laws are at home. By the way, I don’t wish to. Staying at her house is very uncomfortable.

I have enough of prob, wanting to find a new job cos this job really cannot TONG already.. The stress is making me crazy. My menses keep prolonging, no sign of pregnancy…duno when is it coming or not coming. Damn sian. Wanting to find new job but scare if I am pregnant, no one want to hire me. So many constraints. She only think about her own prob, only she got prob. I just didn’t bring up my prob to her cos I dun like to add on ppl's prob. For what keep telling ppl prob and add on to their stress. She want ppl to understand her situation but is she understanding ppl's situation??

She think I can just quit. Quit le then no income, my new house need the cpf contribution otherwise need to fork out a lot of cash which we don’t have. SIAN AH. I hate all this. Everything tying me down. I really wish she can treat me inexistent. I just want to keep out of touch, don’t want to know anything….. Sick of it.. :(

Headache

2009-08-21T13:46:00.000+08:00

Really buay tahan my sis! The whole world own her like that. Keep comparing ppls' mum and sis with her own. Other ppl's family members help and we do not help. Please lah, is she the one who wan to choose a Navy hubby who needs to travel a lot. Nobody force her. She herself is a housewife and yet always want ppl to help. If she want to compare, I also want to compare. My friends' sisters all leave them alone, didn’t trouble their sis also wad. Why she got so many problems! And always blaming ppl…. She is right and other ppl always wrong la. Everyone must accommodate to her meh. Really cannot stand already, I am very tired of her….

I need a new job!!!!!!!

2009-08-19T15:37:00.001+08:00

Damn sian, got scolded by my director just now. I really don't understand what favorable or unfavorable variances is she talking about. She just asked why is there a 2.7M unfavorable variance, out of nowhere how I know how this number comes about. Then she want me to find out why. After explaining to her my part only, she said I am not answering to her question…really don't know what she wants. I find that this job is really not for me. I am serious that I have to find new job. Really cannot take it liao.

Morning just got some questions bombed by her and I have to search high and low for the answers. That already make me very stressful cos she want things fast. Then during lunch, my colleague just mentioned I havent get scolded by her yet wad and just now got scolded already. Really piss me off. I need a new job!!!!!!!!!

Needs alot of guts

2009-08-12T08:48:00.000+08:00

Terrible feeling. Talking to my director really need a lot of guts. Standing outside of her cubicle is like outside a tiger's den. Wanting to talk to her but she always look so unapproachable :(

I finally brought out my guts and asked her this morning whether I can be excuse from the walk this fri. I am really afraid of heights mah. She replied she will not force us but hope we can be more sporting. Oh my god, like that is I can don’t go or not. She everytime arrange this and that which none of us really enjoy going. What is the point of forcing ppl to do things they don’t like. I don’t understand these ppl. Sian leh, how can I tell her again I don't wish to go :(

Long weekend ending soon

2009-08-10T13:22:00.002+08:00

Fri we brought the car to touch up and after that we went to watch GI Joe. The actions were so fast until i dun understand what is the morale of the story. Haahaa

Sat was Brenda's wedding dinner. After looking at ppls' wedding, i felt that my one wasn't a perfect one, lack of alot of things. The most regretful one was i couldn't slim myself down :( Seeing her happily got married, i feel so happy for her.

Yesterday, we went to dear's boss Henry's house. We had BBQ. As usual, everyone is very concerned whether we want a baby or not...Alot of attention on us..hmm....But i really enjoy all the colleagues's company. It was really enjoyable. I like their gatherings, really very close. They're like families. His biggest boss, Ian is really a nice guy.

Today, we went cycling, so long never cycle already, skills abit dropped, hehe. Cannot balance myself. Must practice more. Since we have no kids yet, we need to find more activities to do. Next week gg to Bishan Park with Joan and Lee Kheng's family to cycle. Looking forward.

Yipee, dear coming back today

2009-08-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

Yipee, Dear is coming home today. I am taking 1 hour time off to fetch him at the airport. Don't know did he win or lose at Casino last night. He claimed that first 2 nights he won some money.

Last 2 nights no internet access, cannot msn him at all, sickening internet, bores me to death. Don’t know what had he gotta for me. keke. I have asked him to look out for belts for me, don't know can find or not. Yesterday they went to town to buy things. Hopefully he didn’t spend a lot of money. He said gg biz trip can save money. I don't think so lor. I think spend more money cos this person wan him to buy this and that person wan him to buy that. I wonder did he get chop when he buy the roasted lotus seeds. Hopefully he get it cheap.

Looking forward, half an hour to go :)

Should I change my job?

2009-08-04T14:14:00.001+08:00

I am seriously thinking about this question. The more I am with this department, the more I don't like the job. The worst is the director, too pushy and want things fast. My colleague is going to give birth in Nov. That's the worst part for me here. I still don't know a lot of things and yet have to cover her duties. I don't know can I manage or not. I think I will break down every day. I couldn't take the pressure from the director.. I really feel like tendering my resignation now. Don't know what should I do….Anyone can help me out of this……...

Dear went Vietnam

2009-08-03T11:45:00.001+08:00

Dear went Vietnam this morning, for 4 days again. Jus received his sms saying he reached Vietnam. Sigh, so sian. This is the 4th time he travel this year. If his boss never go with him, I will buy a ticket and go with him. Take a break also good. Today totally no mood to work. I am so sleepy now cos he wake up at 5am this morning, I couldn't slp after waking him up. Hope Thurs can come soon.

We are taking leave on Fri, going to enjoy a long weekend. This weekend will be busy. Sat got wedding dinner and Sun going his boss's house to BBQ. Not looking forward cos scare people start to ask me questions again…. Really wish I can hide myself up

De-moralise..........

2009-07-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

More and more people asking me if I am pregnant. Some even congratulate me….. I am getting more and more de-moralise. Today my mense come le. Am I really getting so fat until people mistaken I am pregnant…..It's so embarassing to answer them. I hate to answer back. Inside of me is actually very sad but I have to act. Very sian, don't feel like meeting up with people. Just feel like hiding myself up.

Sickening arrangement

2009-07-22T11:14:00.001+08:00

Hate my director. We practically don't have human rights. Whether to go for the fitness exercise tomorrow or not also cannot choose. The tone of hers is like giving orders, not giving us a choice wad. It's from 6 to 7pm, waste of my time lor. I hate to get the sweaty feeling and go to take bus. Fucking sian. Next mth, all of us have to go to walk the bridge at Hort park then few weeks after that still have the Mooncake festival gathering. Who the fuck care abt all this gathering? I don't wish to waste my time with this kind of person. Super sickening.

New office

2009-07-21T17:07:00.001+08:00

Has been in the new office for a few days, still not getting used to it. Am trying to get a perfect location to place my monitor where nobody can see what I am doing. I have placed a mirror beside my CPU but I also cannot see people coming towards me from behind. Don't like it to be like that, no privacy. I cannot hear their footsteps unless they walk very loudly. So sian, I dun like this place. I still prefer the old location, we can go off for lunch anytime we like, go home on the dot where nobody knows. Here got too many eyes looking at you, what ever movements are being monitored :(

Tiring day

2009-07-14T16:59:00.001+08:00

So damn tired. Since last week, we have been packing our stuffs. We are going to move to another building. Official moving on the 16th July. There are so many things to pack. Although I am just here for 6 mths but I have to help out the rest to pack.. Have been bringing bags and bags of things down myself cos I dun wan to pack into the box and then unpack. Now whole body aching…. Am so tired and hungry now. Hope to go home soon.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

2009-06-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

Went to see Gynae and found out i am suffering from PCOS. That's the reason that i am not getting pregnant yet. My menses are irregular, have to depend on pills. Really sian. Why me???????????? The pills will make me fat and have acnes. I have to bear with all these in order to get pregnant. Why people around me just get pregnant so easily........... I am super sad. My mother in law is very concern about my test but i don't dare to tell her the truth. I think she is hoping for a grandchild. She knew i am trying hard hence she always ask me not to stress. The more i know, the more i hate myself. What's actually wrong with me..........why my body system is going haywire now. :''''(

Too much!

2009-06-21T19:02:00.002+08:00

Just now she make a cup of tea, sit there and watch tv and don't know how to feed her dog. Then before going out, she bring the cup to the basin, knowing how to wash her hands, don't know how to wash cup meh!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it so difficult to wash the cup? Please lah, got maid at home is it? She just leave it there, waiting for someone to wash for her. Ridiculous, really cannot stand. Why so such lazy people around? A pest!

Very sad

2009-06-16T21:30:00.002+08:00

Today, one of the manager came over to tell us that Director is going to arrow us to take the CCNA course. This is a IP course which will take us 6 mths and will be bond for 1 year. The 2 candidates which might be select is me and Zing Ying. Because we are the youngest! Zing Ying can't take the course because she's pregnant. So, left me! But i don't want to take anymore course. I don't want to stress myself le.

I am already stress and my menses became irregular. I am just a simple woman, just want to have a complete family. I don't want to get so many cert to get promote or what. The most important thing in my life is my family, not career.

When i tell this to Dear, he only tell me "ok la, its bo pian one wad". I am seriously very sad. Has he ever thought of my feeling? I say stress is not just say only. He thinks i am joking. What is bopian. Everythin also bopian. So i too stress out and get bad health also bopian. I very sian in all these...........

Ridiculous, isn't it.

2009-06-16T10:56:00.000+08:00

In my family, I am like the only daughter. Want something, call me and ask me to buy. My dad want a knee support from Ebene. That day I went Watsons to see but don’t have his size so didn’t buy lor. I have called him to tell him. Yesterday he is asking my sister. And now she came to ask me if I am buying. Why? Beside me, other people cannot help to buy is it? Or is it they scare they cannot get their money back. So everytime spend money one must be me lor. I have spent so much money to buy them supplements every month, give them allowance. On top of that, I still have to buy them things everytime. Why, my money is printed one, not earned one ah. Super stupid, really pekcek.

Super stress out

2009-06-09T15:29:00.001+08:00

My boss left :( now his work is re-distributed to 2 managers. Damn stress. When I have questions, I don’t know who can advise me cos they know nothing too. Last fri they had a handover meeting, the new person just asked me into the meeting room, ask me that question " you know hor"… So I know only, he no need to know lor. How big can my brain capacity can store. Then whatever he wants, he will just shoot me an email. So many emails so which one should I attend first? Ask me when can I give him the detail. He think I super woman meh? Can produce info without thinking. A lot of things need to tidy up. I am like clearing ppl's shit. A mess in the record. Damn sian. I will go crazy soon if continue like that.

What is marriage life!

2009-06-06T11:09:00.002+08:00

Sian la. Consecutive 2 Sats she want to use the car!!!!!!!! Fucking alot of activities! She never think of anyone else except herself. All of us had to stuck at home lah. Although we have bike, but if it rains, we can't go anywhere already. Marriage life is so boring. Everytime stay at home, he will only surf his net and play his games. I have nothing to do and find shows to watch. Bloody she will enjoy herself outside. This is really testing my limit. I want to sell the car away and get one on our own. She want to use car, buy herself. I don't want to keep staying at home and cannot go anywhere, all because of her. Fucking boring. I hate this!!!!!! I don't want to stay with her but how to bring this up. It's already fix that all of them moved over with us to our new flat. Walao, really sian. I don't want!

Unreasonable

2009-06-05T09:49:00.000+08:00

Someone very funny. Ask us whether can on the way send them to my mum's place, I told her I need to check if my FIL has work on that day. If yes then we send him to work and on the way pick them up and go back together. She actually replied asking "hah, there's no confirm answer? if no then we go up ourselves". Oh please, must everything have confirm answer straight away! Going back is next weekend issue, so fast must arrange meh? What is so urgent? Crazy, as if I no need to work, nothing better to do. I already asked Dear and he agreed but I still cant confirm if my FIL is working or not. She got nothing better to do is it. Everytime think so far for what.

Why why why?

2009-06-02T10:28:00.001+08:00

Why so many people asking me "so how", "got any news", "are you pregnant already". Actually I am really sick of answering this question. I knew that they're concerned about me but indrirectly gave me a lot of stress. My friend who is trying for baby is pregnant already. Why other people are getting pregnant, given birth and when is my turn. I hate myself for not able to put things down. I tried very hard not to think about it but people keep reminding me. Sian la. I wish I can brain wash myself and don’t think about it. Hope others don’t remind me again and again. I want to clear my mind.

Thought of the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-30T21:11:00.004+08:00

Today is such a frustrating day, someone drove out the car to help friend to shift house! Shouldn't it be using a lorry instead. She got so many "friends", everytime got so many this and that. Very busy!

I think here is the best venting frustration place. Talking to a real person also no use. Here although no direct response, at least i vent my frustration out.

Sometimes i really envy my sister in law. Never see her do housework, everything done by her parent. Everyday, wake up, bath le and out she go. Never come back before midnight. Treating the house like hotel. Even last time in old Bishan home, Dear has to vacuum the floor, not her. She just sit there watch her tv, eat le leave the plates at the basin. As if got maid to serve her. Why so unfair??

If i am her parent, i would feel very sad but my parent in law don't seems to feel anything. Still dote on her the most. Why hah? I really want to know. What so good about her?

These few weeks my MIL complain she can't sleep well at night and her weight gone down cos she is getting skinnier and look haggard. I never hear her daughter asking how is she. I think her mum want to see her also difficult, need not mention about talking to her.

Everytime we go out, we will ask my in laws where are they and we will go and pick them up. Most of the time, we're driving them around. Once a while then we go out on our own. If she takes the car, four of us will be stuck at home. Selfish isn't it?

Just like the last few days, Dear went Philippines. She everyday also got friends' birthday celebration. Everyday go out till midnight. Please la, bullshit.

The car is so dirty and she don't bother to bring it to car wash. The petrol tank is low and she didn't top up. I purposely don't want to top up yesterday cos today she want to use the car, why should i be topping up the petrol for her. Somemore she is using the car for the whole weekend, she drive the car to Sentosa! She got chalet there. Walao, damn selfish. Bring the car there and parked there. Since when she give a thought for us. Don't say us, what about her parent! Really cannot stand her!!!!!! They will only say, let her use the car lor! Fuck up

It is really hitting my limit. How long more am i staying with her! I don't want to share car with her. I don't want to be her maid in future. I am not doing any housechore for her. When my in laws not around in future, will she continue to stay with us....How can i get rid of her. I am sorry to be mean, i am not her mum, no obligation to take care of her. Why her life is so good, enjoying. Even we moved to AMK, all of them will move along too. Damn sian. I don't mind to stay with my in laws because it's our duty to take care of them. But she.........................whole package one leh. I just cannot forget everything and treat it as nothing happen.

ARGH................................................................................................................................

Stress at work

2009-05-26T21:27:00.002+08:00

Today damn stress at work. Waste a morning in the meeting. Today need to rush monthly report then at 5lpus, Leo want me to send the costing out for STIX by today :( Alot of segment costs i don't know and had a hard time. Luckily Mdm Quek stay backed and help me to find. Really appreciate her help otherwise i don't think i can go off early. I left the office at 7pm :( But still i haven't finish updating the files. I don't know tomorrow can finish or not.

Alot of spreadsheets haven't update yet. Really don't have enough time

Now need to do my updating at home :( damn sian.

Today is the 2nd day Dear at Manila. The day pass so slowly. My sister in law expected, everyday go out. The petrol we topped up already half gone. When we use, a tank of petrol can last for a week. This tank of petrol will definitely finish by Fri then Dear will be back and need to top up again. She win le lor. Really cannot stand her. Stay at home will die meh. Must always go out. Why are we always spending money and she can enjoy herself. Unfair. Sickening

Dear going Philippines

2009-05-24T23:09:00.003+08:00

He is going Philippines for a week tomorrow :( I will be alone again.

So sian, after he come back. One week later, he is going Thailand for 2 weeks. That's even more unbearable. What am i suppose to do when he is not around. I must find more things to occupy myself. Sigh, what can i do? I am left with only 2 books to read.

Very sad, his company keep sending him overseas. The happiest person will be his sis. She can use car every day. No need to come home so early. Everyday hang out with friends. Then i will have problem waking her up in the morning to send me out. Have to see her face. Sickening.

Why Dear always had to g0 overseas? Argh..................

My boss is quitting

2009-05-18T16:40:00.001+08:00

My boss is quitting. He is in this new department for a month or so and he cant stand the job. Haha. No one can tahan the job scope here, especially for USA region. Too many things to remember. He tendered his resignation letter. Don’t know who will be taking over the work. One good boss already left then here is another one. Sigh. So sian, hate to be under another lousy boss. Hopefully the next one is a good one.

Dear going overseas again

2009-05-18T13:49:00.001+08:00

Dear said next week going Philippines. Then 2nd week of June going Thailand again. So sian, he keep travelling. I will be damn bored at home. He is not doing sales also need to travel one meh?? Don't understand why.

Sigh. I hope that few weeks can passed faster. Hopefully this year no more travelling for him.

I got my Twilight Book 2 (New Moon)

2009-05-14T11:50:00.002+08:00

Someone offered to sell me his brand new book at $10 with postage. That was a great offer hence i accepted. I received the book still wrapped in plastic. Wow, i love online buying.

But i still don't have the time to start reading it. I am obsessed in reading the Shopaholic series, keke. They're simply interesting. I am reading "Shopaholic takes Manhattan". This year is the first time i hit record, i never read so many books in my life before. Even when i am schooling, i never like to borrow story books to read hence my English is very poor. Now everyday you see me with a book before bedtime. Machiam bookworm, haha

Now i am shopping online to see if anyone else is selling books :)

Down with fever

2009-05-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

2 days ago started to cough. Yesterday started to have fever, it hit 38.67. This morning was still 38.17. Hence i went to see doc again. Took almost 1 hour plus to wait for my turn. I almost have no strength to sit. I asked to doc for 2 days mc. I slept for the whole day. Had a good rest. Now still feeling abit giddy.

Confession of Shopaholic

2009-05-08T10:00:00.000+08:00

I am now reading this book, Confessions Of A Shopaholic . Shopaholic is a series of novels written by the UK author Sophie Kinsella.

The sequence that I should be reading should be as follows but I read the last book. Haha. So now I am actually reading the 2nd book. The stories are really interesting.

The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic
Confessions Of A Shopaholic
Shopaholic Abroad
Shopaholic Takes Manhattan
Shopaholic Ties The Knot
Shopaholic & Sister
Shopaholic & Baby

http://www.sophiekinsella.com.au/otherbooks.aspx

My new boss sucks

2009-05-07T22:37:00.001+08:00

Last time i was looking forward to be under this boss as many people say he is very good. Now i think otherwise. This week, he make me stay back don't know how many times. Everytime look for me at 6pm when i am going to go home. Then discuss until don't know how to stop until i say i must go le. Please man, he has no life after work is it? No need to make me stay back with him. I have many things to do lor. Really piss me off. Somemore after 6 has no aircon, so damn stuffy in the office. Tomorrow he better don't make me stay back. I am going to FAN LIAN.

Super duper disappointed

2009-05-05T08:31:00.000+08:00

My menses finally come after 54 days. Very disappointed. I don’t know what is causing my menses to be so irregular. Was it the ovulation pills or the chinese pills which Jason's parent asked me to eat. I am really pissed off now. Really have no mood to work today. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what's going wrong?????????????????????

All done with the housework

2009-05-03T15:16:00.000+08:00

Just finished with all the housework. Mop the floor, iron all the clothes. So many clothes to iron. Today, dear helped me with scrubbing the toilet floor, the toilet bowl. He also vacuum the floor behind the fridge. It was so dirty and dusty behind. He is not lazy one, just need someone to push him. He is of great help today. Luckily he helped otherwise i don't know what time then i can finish.

My sister in law, on the other hand is super lazy. Wake up, didn't even bother to keep her bed. Just bath liao and went out roller blading. What a good life.......

I am so tired now.

Pics of babies

2009-05-02T23:39:00.004+08:00

Today went Danny's son baby shower. Don't know what is wrong with him, keep on crying. Didn't manage to carry him.

Manage to take one pic of him when he's crying

Below is the first baby i carried this year. He is Gerard,my colleague's baby. What a chubby little one :) Was born last Dec.

Next my friend, Susan's baby. Her name is Crystal. Born in Jan this year. She look more like daddy.

Then my cousin, Irene's son. He is Zac. Was born in Mar.

This little boy is Jason's cousin's son. Born in Apr.

Practically every month got someone related to me giving birth. 3 classmates of mine gave birth but i didn't have a chance to see their baby yet.

Woo, when is my turn? haha

No boss in the afternoon!

2009-04-30T08:57:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is holiday. Today one on MC, one on afternoon leave. Later basically left Joan and me. The bosses are attending a seminar in the afternoon hence no boss in the afternoon. I am already having holiday mood. But don’t know why today wake up and having gidiness. Hope it quickly go away, I want to enjoy myself over the weekend.

Attending Danny's son baby shower on sat. Still hasn’t got a present for him. Need to go and buy tomorrow. Enjoy the weekend!

Becoming a bookworm

2009-04-29T09:04:00.001+08:00

Recently, I suddenly like to read books. Last time used to hate reading books cause very lazy. Keke. I have finished reading my Twilight book. I have watched the movie which Dear had helped me to download. It was exactly the same. I am now looking for people to sell me 2nd hand the Book 2 (New Moon). Currently, I am reading Shopaholic and Baby by Sophie Kinsella. This is the first book I read in a very fast speed. It is because it's very interesting. First day I got the book, I read 6 chapters. I also got another book "Can you keep a secret" by the same author. Will read it soon after I finsh the current book. I am becoming a bookworm :)

My new phone :)

2009-04-27T13:29:00.002+08:00

I bought a new Sony Ericsson C905. Very pleased with the phone. The color i bought is Tender Rose. It has alot of function. The thing i like most is the camera. It's just like carrying a camera around. I only paid $268 and i have $50 off my next M1 bill :) The best buy i ever have.

24 Apr 09

2009-04-24T09:38:00.000+08:00

Sucks. Today got no mood to work. Restless and tired.

Yesterday night vomit like nobody's business. I ate the same same food as Dear, duno why I kanna only. We ate wanton mee and tim sum. After reaching home, duno why I suddenly feel very giddy then suddenly feel like throwing out. I went toilet thrice, vomitted all my food out. It was a terrible feeling.

Today after work still got karaoke session with my dept. Cannot reject cos organise by my director. Sigh.

Now have to do my monthly report. Hate this period of the month. How to spend the rest of the
day……………….Oh my god.

Getting fatter and fatter :(

2009-04-21T17:33:00.001+08:00

So piss off. No wonder I keep on putting on weight for nothing. It's all due to the ovulation pills that I was taking for 3 months. I exercise almost 4 times a week and cannot slim down. I was wondering why. And people keep misunderstood I am pregnant when I am not! My parents, parent in laws and relatives saw the difference in me. Asking me why I put on weight. I am damn sad. I just want to regulate my menses, now I pay money to make myself fat. Didn’t know the side effects of the pills. Dr Khi never mentioned anything to me. I still got 3 months supply with me and the pills are not cheap! Really wasted my money. Why all the unlucky things happen on me? :(

So many babies

2009-04-08T15:55:00.000+08:00

This year is a good year to give birth sia. Late Dec, my colleague Joycelline gave birth to her little prince (Gerard). In Jan, my friend Susan gave birth to her little princess (Crystal). In Feb, Agnes gave birth to her little princess. In Apr, Jaslyn (princess), Sinyin (prince) and my cousin Irene also prince (Zac). Another friend, Eileen who is going to give birth soon. I have carried 3 babies already until now. So happy for all of them. I love seeing their babies sleeping soundly. So cute. Soon will be my turn :) I must stay positive.

How to untie the knot in my heart?

2009-04-01T13:01:00.000+08:00

I had lunch and nothing to do in the office. Suddenly got this thought. How to untie the knot in my heart?

I seriously want to know how. I need to throw away the idea of having a baby. I knew it’s giving me a lot of stress and indirectly affecting Jason. To him, he thinks that it’s still early, we’re married for half a yr. I just can’t stand why people get it so easily and I so difficult. I believe it’s stress which make my menses irregular. I need to release it but I don’t know how to. I try to read books, watch dramas to make me forget about it.

But people like to ask me….. Can they just don’t ask me? I hate people asking me “so how, got any news”. Of course I hope got good news. That’s the biggest hope I have now. I will be super happy when the day comes. But when is the day coming?

Happy or sad?

2009-03-31T13:21:00.001+08:00

Someone is pregnant again…….. Should be happy for that person but don’t know why I feel very sad about myself. Had mixed feeling, don’t know how to describe. I wished that I can stop thinking of it but my stupid mind keep bothering on it. It’s just permanently stay in my mind. How can I make myself to forget it? Can whoever is pregnant don’t tell me…don’t know why I always get upset when ppl tell me this. Whenever I think of it, I just can’t stop crying. Everyone wan to get pregnant is so easy but to me; it’s like plucking stars from the sky. Perhaps it’s stress cos I wanted to have baby badly but am I wrong…… Oh god, I am giving up.

Chung Hwa's trip

2009-03-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

Went Chung Hwa yesterday. Find the trip fruitless cos piss off with their service.

Reached there at 6.15, wait till 6.30 then can register. After registration, wait till 7 then the sinseh come.

He only ask those normal routine question like “can you sleep well at night”; “got go toilet everyday”; “how many days my mense” etc…..then they asked us how many months we are married. So what we’re married for 6mths. I find them very funny lor. Isn’t good to have someone willing to get pregnant. A lot of ppl don’t want children. Must be childless for more than 2 yrs then can be treated meh? Pissed off with them. Then he listens to my pulse and never says anything. After everything, gave me 8 days of supply of powder. I didn’t ask what is it for. Felt like wasting money and time to go there. Why I just want to get pregnant also difficult. Super sian.

So bored

2009-03-16T22:27:00.002+08:00

Super long never blog already.........so sian at home. Dear went for reservist, another 4 more days to go.

Recently very vexed over my work. Director always wan this and that. So many things to update....

Then recently my colleague who took over my work keep asking me alot of things. Sometimes when i am deep thinking on my work, he sudd interrupt and ask me things. Yes, i understand he's stress as he took over my work. I am not stress meh? But as a TO3, he needs to analyze situation and try to do it first instead of conviently ask me what should he do. He simply forward the email to me and ask me that. I have explained to him before and not only one time but did he remember it into his brain... Oh gosh. I am like doing his work. I myself got plenty of invoices haven't clear.

Today i have no choice but to tell my ex boss about it. He say why i didnt tell him earlier on. At least he can save the situation. Now the record keeping is a mess, i myself also don't know how to help him. Today my ex boss keep calling to ask on the record, he himself also don't know how to read. I explain to him then he put down the phone, subsequently call me to ask again. He say to me "sorry sorry". I was like going to laugh. My ex boss saying sorry to me leh. Now looking back, he's not that bad afterall, at least he knew his work and don't come and pester me for info all the time. Unlike my current dept, the manager depend very much on JO. Different place, different culture. Sigh.

Going to sleep le, tomorrow is another challenging day

Disappointment again

2009-02-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

Since last Thur, i start to have brown discharge. It continue for 5days and my menses just don't want to come full force. When I am hoping that it don't come at all, last night it came. Thought I can get pregnant this time but false alarm again. I don't understand why, my menses became very irregular these few months. It takes more that 40 day for one cycle :( Getting harder and harder to conceive. Why other people get pregnant so easily.........Am I really giving myself a lot of stress???? I am giving up, waiting in vain really make me more and more disappointed each time. Hate the feeling of waiting.........:(

All alone at home :(

2009-02-02T22:03:00.002+08:00

As expected, i will be left all alone at home. My father in law still ask me not to go back my mum's place when dear is not around. Say got 2 persons staying at home will be better. But what is this...She sms me saying she will be staying out late, ask me to feed the dog. I already expected. Only leaving me to feed her dog and clear her dog's shit. Cos she knows i got no where to go and wash her unwashed dishes. Really sian.

Thailand again

2009-02-02T08:49:00.001+08:00

Dear is flying off to Thailand today again. His company project will end this Dec hence he has to fly there quite often. This time going for 4 days. That leaves me with his sis alone at home. His parent will be back on Sun. Argh, So sian.

Housework is really a chore

2009-01-17T14:26:00.005+08:00

Today wake up at 11am. After waking up, there're so many things to do.

Hang out the clothes, mop the floor, burn incense, water the plants then cook breakfast cum lunch for both of us. Had been forgetting to water for 2 days. Really stress, very scare to forget to do something. Every morning is really rush. Has to make breakfast for both of them then get prepare to go work.

I cooked Chicken Marconi and luckily it doesn't taste that bad. Dear washed the dishes cos i complain that they didn't help to do anything. Everything leave to me. I am not a maid. Everyone has to do their part. I am really amazed that my mother in law had been doing all these for her two children. I am not going to let my kids do nothing, at least must know how to keep their own room. Later need to wash up Dear's shirts and iron clothes. It seems like so many things to do. I can't imagine myself doing all these every day. Unless i no need to work otherwise i do not have the time at all.

Dear's sis didn't help to do anything at all. She leave her bed unmake, floor unmopped. I cannot imagine, see how long can she stand for herself. For god's sake. She only know how to enjoy herself, eat then sleep. Let see how long can this last.

Sigh, still got 2 more weeks plus to go. Dear might be gg Thai again during early Feb. That will left his sis and i at home alone. Damn sian.

Sick of this lifestyle

2009-01-11T19:00:00.002+08:00

Really very sian. Now stuck at home. Everytime when the sis want to use car, we have to come back early and let her use. Then everytime, we use car, we have to fetch mum here and there and pick up dad. All our time is not delicated for ourselves. It is always for others. When she use the car, she no need to fetch anyone, can go as long as she like, no need to rush home. This is unfair. I really hate it. We merely go out for 3 hrs only and we are being recalled back. I have not shop for my own things. This lifestyle is going to stuck with me forever.

I really hope that we can have the ability to have our own car. Hope we can have higher pay so that we can buy a car. I rather have our own and ask her to get one herself. I will not lend my car to her. I dread the feeling of being recalled back like that.

A long and busy weekend

2009-01-04T10:04:00.002+08:00

My long weekend is gg to end soon. Time passed so fast.

How i spend it?

1st Jan 2009
On our anniversary, 1st Jan we woke up quite late, at 11 plus. Finally had a chance to sleep late. We didnt plan to go out cos everywhere is having new year lunch and dinner, pretty expensive. After waking up, his mum want to go out and buy things so we went out with her to have lunch. After lunch, she said she want to buy pineapples. At first say AMK, we went there and no more pineapples so we went Kallang Bahru. Then after that, she want to go TPY to buy flour and butter.

After buying all her things, we spent our day at home to spring clean our room. We bought a few containers from Daiso and we packed our things inside, now it looks neater. I brought out all the clothes in the wardrobes and re-fold them. Some clothes which i cant wear, i planned to give to our cleaner in my office. Dear's ones will give to Salvation. He has alot too. Our wardrobe is bursting.

2nd Jan 2009
Today is a day without parent and anyone else. We planned to spend the day on our own. We went out at about noon. We went Vivocity. Basically we wanted to buy our new year clothes. I bought a Fox skirt. Dear bought a few T shirts. I wanted to get a new pair of shoes but nothing catches my eyes. Everywhere on sales but the clothes are not of my liking. After that, we went Suntec Sizzler to have dinner.

3rd Jan 2009
My best friend from primary school, Marie's wedding lunch. I thought it will be weird sitting with a few friends whom we never contact for 10 years but it turned out to be ok. We had fun together. There were alot of things to catch up. The lunch end at about 4 and we took a couple of pictures with the groom and brides :) After which, Celestine and Evon accompany me to wait for Dear to come. I love to catch up with them, updates one another. I will organise another coffee session again but this time round Marie cant joined us :(. She will follow her husband to Wales. We will missed her laughter. Hope she can come back soon. I wished her all the best and have a happy marriage.

4th Jan 2009
Today as usual, Dear had to send his dad to work and mum to market. I am blogging at home. We are always not free until noon. Basically our time is not our time. Our time have to cater for alot of people. Later need to go Jac's house then after need to meet Marie's sis to get back my memory card. Tonight dont know need to send his parent to Qigong. His sis said she's using the car for the whole day, hope we are excuse today. At least we can rest at home to get re-energise for work tomorrow.

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T09:01:00.002+08:00

Happy new year to all in advance :) Wishing everyone good health and wealth. Tomorrow will be our anniversary. Coming yr will be our 9th year together, how time flies. No celebration this yr. we’re gg to be on leave on fri, long weekend. Yipee!

New Year resolution

Earn more money
Find better job opportunity
Make babies, haha
Stay healthy

And many more, keke :)

Another friend got pregnant

2008-12-26T15:03:00.000+08:00

Another friend of mine told me she pregnant again. 15 weeks le. So happy for her. More and more people around me get pregnant. Another 2 friends going to give birth in one mth time. I think I should stop measuring my temperature every morning. I think it’s giving me a lot of stress. More and more people getting pregnant, the more envy and sad I gets. The feeling which no one can understand, especially Dear. He always says never mind but I mind a lot. I always cry by myself. I really hope I can stop thinking about it and relax. Everyone know I want to have baby but it’s not easy. Really sian….

No govt today

2008-12-26T09:57:00.001+08:00

Today, my dept only have 2 managers and me. Director is on leave. Everyone is on leave. Practically no govt today, haha. I am happily surfing net. However, a bit boring cos no one to talk to… This year’s Christmas is the worst among the rest. No activity and celebration. After dinner, we watch TV only. So boring. Life becomes boring when we get older….oh gosh….i want more sparks in my life.

Experience in Shanghai

2008-12-22T10:08:00.000+08:00

Finally back in Singapore. In my opinion, there is nothing much to shop there now at this season, mainly selling winter clothings. Alot of cheap and nice trench coat but I didn’t buy any cos I will not have chance to wear them.

We went to Chen Huang Miao, Qipu Road, Nanjing East and West road, Qi Bao Lao Jie, Mingzhu Tower etc. Some things are cheap and some are not. The food is cheap. At Qipu road and Chen Huang Miao, I find it very hard to cut price. They just refuse to cut. The cheapest thing I got today is 2 shorts at 110RMB. Jason’s uncle brought us to buy fake bags too cos I told him I need to help my cousin buy. It’s pretty hard to cut too. His uncle must be very fierce in order to cut for us. I manage to cut from 160RMB to 100RMB for my cousin’s Agnes B bag. We bought 5 Abercrombie Polo Tees at 290RMB. Bought a Gucci wallet for my Mother in law. Hope she like it. Didn’t buy much things cos we don’t have time as the rest are waiting for us at another place. Everyday is so rush.

There're a lot of beggars around, looking healthy and asking for money. One couple was asking money from Nanjing Road to Chen Huang Miao. We saw them 2 days. We shoo them off. Was so pissed off.

Alot of people walking around asking if you want fake goods or not.

They spit everywhere they go, disgusting. The toilets are dirty and smelly, cannot make it.

Jason fell sick on wed hence he didn’t have the mood to walk also. He looks tired and I knew he’s dragging himself to follow me around. He is still sick at home today. Poor him

Will upload pictures soon.

Day 4 in Shanghai

2008-12-17T15:57:00.003+08:00

Watching their china drama now..nothing better to do.

Just now went to walk around. Today is the furthest i walked. I went to walk along those street and there're many small shops selling clothes.

I went into one of them and bought this :) It cost about $22 only. Cheap right?

The rest are winter clothes. I cant buy much.

Today i had Beef and Brinjal rice. Pretty nice. It's only $4

2nd Day in Shanghai

2008-12-15T22:08:00.003+08:00

Today is the 2nd day in Shanghai. I woke up at 9. I ate breakfast and then nothing to do. Jason went office for training. There is no TV show, all the Lame china show, nothing to watch. Very boring. I went to nearby shopping mall and shop, within one hour, i finish shopping. There is nothing much to see cos mostly selling wointer coats. I came back to surf net and have a nap.

Hmm, tomorrow i will be alone again. What should i do leh.......

I am in Shanghai

2008-12-14T16:43:00.002+08:00

Today wake up at 5am and went airport at 6am. Super early, very sleepy now. Didnt get to sleep much on plane. The weather here in Shanghai is 8degree. Interior still not so bad, once we step out and wind blows, wooo cold. We are staying in Sheraton Shanghai Pudong. The room is cool. Just now went shopping mall beside our hotel to have our meals. That's my past time for the next few days cos Jason has to go office.

Pictures taken at Sentosa

2008-12-10T22:44:00.002+08:00

Jason going overseas again

2008-12-07T22:31:00.002+08:00

Dear is gg overseas again. This time gg Shanghai. I was thinking should i follow him but i have to spend money on the ticket...i dun have enough leave le hence if i really want to go, i have to take unpaid leave. Taking unpaid leave will affect my bonus. I really dont know should i go or not. Abit wasting money to go but it's an experience to go there now to experience winter. I also need to check with my new boss whether can i take leave during this crucial period cos we're doing budgetting. Hmm, should i go or not....

Jason's Annual dinner and dance

2008-12-07T21:36:00.003+08:00

I took leave on friday, we went Sentosa for 3 days 2 night stay at Sentosa Silosa beach hotel. All sponsor by Jason's company. It was really an enjoyable trip but tiring, didnt really sleep well. Super sleepy now.

On friday, we have buffet dinner at the hotel's cafe. We had a christmas party for the kids. The boss wore the Santa Claus costume and gave out the presents. The kids were really happy. I can see that his colleagues and family are all very close to one another. This is a precious experience. After dinner, we went to watch musical fountain.

On sat, we woke up early to have breakfast because the whole sat got alot of activities. First thing we went to take cable car. Long time never sit already, more than 10 over years. After that, we went to Sky tower, played Luge and sit skyrides. Most scariest one is the skyrides cos hanging in the air then travel from one end to another end. I love playing the Luges. It was fun! It was the drizzling rain which come and goes that wasted alot of times... We went to the Beach to have lunch, the food were nice though.

At 6pm, we meet to take Coach to Sentosa Cove's ballroom to have dinner and dance. They decorate the rooms with a lot of balloons and we had buffet. They had games for everyone and had lucky draw for the employees. Jason won the first prize which was a Sony camcorder. We were very happy but we had one already. Jason and I wanted the PSP but another 2 colleagues got them. We want to exchange with them but they dont want. So we decided to sell the camcorder away and buy PSP :)

I appreciate such genture organize by company. Everyone are so close. SingTel never have this. It is too big. Both his male Ian and female boss Jenner are very fun loving. I cant stop laughing talking to him. He's a joker.

Overall, we had alot of fun with the rest. Tonight i need a good rest...really need to catch back my sleep

My early Christmas and anniversary present from my dear

2008-12-03T15:47:00.001+08:00

Dear bought me a Gucci wristlet from Thai airport when he was coming back from his seminar. I was shocked when I see it. I mentioned that I want to buy a Coach wristlet and I was looking high and low for seller who offers the lowest selling price. He said treat that as my early Christmas and anniversary present. I was abit heart pain cos I don’t think it’s necessary to spend so much cos we’re trying to save money for our future. He says it’s ok and he promises he will save his bonus up. Sometimes I feel very guilty; I always scold him for spending a lot of money on his technology stuffs. I do not understand why he like to buy high end stuffs and not cheap components. He likes to add more things to power his own computer. That is his interest which I don’t understand. He cannot stand normal PC which is very slow. I feel guilty because when he come to buy things for me, he never thrift on that. Last few years anniversaries, I knew he always wipe out his saving to buy things for me. I never buy expensive things for him cos I told him I will save up the money for our future. This year, I must buy something useful and what he likes for him.

Never pin high hope

2008-11-27T21:54:00.002+08:00

I come menses already :(

I thought i can get pregnant this time round. Who knows, it's a false alarm. I dont know why am i getting all the pain. Now my lower back still got slight pain. If i stand too long, it comes again. Very disappointed.

Today i reported to my new dept. Nobody is free to teach me anything. My new boss ask me to look at the spreadsheet and try to understand myself first. Everything looks german to me. Cham, i shall wait till monday and see who can explain to me

Pain Pain go away

2008-11-22T20:50:00.002+08:00

It started from Thurs morning, when i wake up, i sudd feel my lower back pain and abdominal pain. I thought it was like normal back aching as i went gym the day before. But who knows when i am walking to office, the pain start to get more and more, i was like breaking cold sweat, nearly want to ask my colleague to come down and help me. I walked extremely slow and finally reached office. I immediately call my company to book appt. The stupid male doc know nothing and thought was muscle strain, he gave me painkiller and gastric pain medicine.

I didnt take his medicine and after i got my MC, i asked my sis to call the chinese sinseh for me. Cos all my colleagues asked me to go dui na, see whether can help or not. But when i go there, i did tell the sinseh that i am trying to conceive. Knowing that, she dont dare to anyhow dui na for me and asked me to have a pregnancy test. It was negative. End up, i did nothing there and spent $34 plus $6 cab fare back home. Dunz

When i get home, i can only lie down. Once i sit up, it's extremely painful cos i was pressing onto it.

Yesterday i made appt to see the gynae cos the abdominal pain and lower pain is still there. I wan her to do an ultrasound to see what's going on inside my body. She cant detect anything.... The worst thing is i spent another $200plus there. Really sickening, this mth spent so much and get no result.

Today is still painful but not as bad as last 2 days. I really hope that the pain can go off faster. I cannot afford not to work. I still have a lot of work to clear.

Mense hasnt report too. Today is the 37th day. I also hope that i can have good news this time round. Hope the pain i encounter is not for nothing

Grandma's update

2008-11-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday went to see grandma. She is better already, glad to see that. She can hold my hand and talk to me. Really relieved to see that. I talked to the nurse and she informed me that the blood test was good and everything was normal. If today continue to be normal, she can be transfer to normal ward soon.

This week is busy with errands. My dear hubby wanted me to go and renew his road tax and insurance then need to pick up his handphone at Nokia care center. These two days cannot go down to visit grandma le. Hope she can be discharge soon, can see that she’s very sian in hospital.

Heart pain

2008-11-12T14:07:00.000+08:00

Today went hospital to visit grandma again. Oh my god, she’s still using the oxygen mask for breathing. Seeing so many needles poking her, see le really heart pain. She cant talk to us. I can see that she want to talk to us but she cant. And we’re helpless, cant do anything but looking at her sleeping. Hope she can recover soon. I really hope that everyone can be in good health. Seriously, nothing can better than having good health. Please bless my grandma to recover soon.

My poor mum

2008-11-09T11:38:00.003+08:00

I jus called my mum to tell her that i am gg back for dinner on Tues. She told me about my grandma told her off on fri and like gg to cry like that. I hear liao also feel like sad for her. Sometimes i think it's abit unreasonable of my grandma. My mum need to wash clothes and do housework in the morning. We're not staying nearby. She need to take train to toa payoh to change bus to her house. All this need time one mah, can't be taking rocket right? Yes, we all know that she need help from ppl to cook but not early in the morning before dawn right? I side whoever is right. I think my poor mum always get scolded for nothing. Feel so sad for my mum, her own mum is not understanding of her situation :(

I really buay tahan le

2008-11-07T09:15:00.000+08:00

I really buay tahan my lady colleagues. Everyday criticize the things I eat. Everyday saying that I am fat le. So what! What good does it do to them that they have to say me all the time. 3 of them against me and always say so loudly infront of the guys colleague. I am really pissed off. I knew that I am fat. I already go gym everyday. I am not sitting down and do nothing. Must they keep saying me? I really feel like shouting back.

Has one think of another person’s feeling before she says something?

2008-11-04T16:26:00.000+08:00

I have this colleague who is very straight forward. She speaks whatever she likes. I wonder does she ever think of ppl’s feeling. Just now all of them are talking abt me getting fatter. Yes, I knew it myself. She no need to spell so loud to everyone. And I have made the effort to go gym everyday. The prob is the breakfast and dinner that I have taken. I already told my mother in law to cook lesser rice but she still cook the same, what can I do. The way my colleague teaches me to go and tell my MIL is abit rude. I can’t bring myself to say that to my MIL. My parent in law already very good, prepare breakfast for us, cut fruits for us to bring to office and then cook dinner. I myself don’t know how to cook, got food to eat, I already thank god, still want to complain meh…. I think I will get strike by lightning if I complain straight to my MIL. But she really cooks too much rice. The amount I am eating now is twice what I ate last time. Everyday I feel super full after dinner, very hard to digest. I think that’s the reason why I am growing fatter. Sigh, how to tell her not to cook so much…and the breakfast, how to tell them don’t always buy cakes and kueys… these are the foods who make us fat.. :(

Days without boss around

2008-10-29T12:59:00.002+08:00

These 2 weeks, my boss is on Annual leave. It is suppose to be more relax for me but more and more orders coming in. Really sian, very tired. The only difference is no one eyeing on what i am doing and comment on my work.

Today another manager called me and signal to me about the change of dept. I think this is for real. Seems like more and more people knowing it. I dont know if my peers know already or not. If yes, it will be chaotic.

I find it very funny. Another colleague of mine actually applied for the post when it was published in our intranet. They didnt hire anyone but why suddenly want me to go and take over....i am really puzzled.

Dont know what is in all this management mind. What makes them think that we have nothing to do here. We have many bilateral orders coming in everyday. We need to coordinate with alot of people for one circuit implementation. Sigh. When my boss come back, i need to switch le. Now i must quickly clear my records or else the rest will start cursing me for messing it up.