Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

Went to see Gynae and found out i am suffering from PCOS. That's the reason that i am not getting pregnant yet. My menses are irregular, have to depend on pills. Really sian. Why me???????????? The pills will make me fat and have acnes. I have to bear with all these in order to get pregnant. Why people around me just get pregnant so easily........... I am super sad. My mother in law is very concern about my test but i don't dare to tell her the truth. I think she is hoping for a grandchild. She knew i am trying hard hence she always ask me not to stress. The more i know, the more i hate myself. What's actually wrong with me..........why my body system is going haywire now. :''''(

Too much!

Just now she make a cup of tea, sit there and watch tv and don't know how to feed her dog. Then before going out, she bring the cup to the basin, knowing how to wash her hands, don't know how to wash cup meh!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it so difficult to wash the cup? Please lah, got maid at home is it? She just leave it there, waiting for someone to wash for her. Ridiculous, really cannot stand. Why so such lazy people around? A pest!

Very sad

Today, one of the manager came over to tell us that Director is going to arrow us to take the CCNA course. This is a IP course which will take us 6 mths and will be bond for 1 year. The 2 candidates which might be select is me and Zing Ying. Because we are the youngest! Zing Ying can't take the course because she's pregnant. So, left me! But i don't want to take anymore course. I don't want to stress myself le.

I am already stress and my menses became irregular. I am just a simple woman, just want to have a complete family. I don't want to get so many cert to get promote or what. The most important thing in my life is my family, not career.

When i tell this to Dear, he only tell me "ok la, its bo pian one wad". I am seriously very sad. Has he ever thought of my feeling? I say stress is not just say only. He thinks i am joking. What is bopian. Everythin also bopian. So i too stress out and get bad health also bopian. I very sian in all these...........

Ridiculous, isn't it.

In my family, I am like the only daughter. Want something, call me and ask me to buy. My dad want a knee support from Ebene. That day I went Watsons to see but don’t have his size so didn’t buy lor. I have called him to tell him. Yesterday he is asking my sister. And now she came to ask me if I am buying. Why? Beside me, other people cannot help to buy is it? Or is it they scare they cannot get their money back. So everytime spend money one must be me lor. I have spent so much money to buy them supplements every month, give them allowance. On top of that, I still have to buy them things everytime. Why, my money is printed one, not earned one ah. Super stupid, really pekcek.

Super stress out

My boss left :( now his work is re-distributed to 2 managers. Damn stress. When I have questions, I don’t know who can advise me cos they know nothing too. Last fri they had a handover meeting, the new person just asked me into the meeting room, ask me that question " you know hor"… So I know only, he no need to know lor. How big can my brain capacity can store. Then whatever he wants, he will just shoot me an email. So many emails so which one should I attend first? Ask me when can I give him the detail. He think I super woman meh? Can produce info without thinking. A lot of things need to tidy up. I am like clearing ppl's shit. A mess in the record. Damn sian. I will go crazy soon if continue like that.

What is marriage life!

Sian la. Consecutive 2 Sats she want to use the car!!!!!!!! Fucking alot of activities! She never think of anyone else except herself. All of us had to stuck at home lah. Although we have bike, but if it rains, we can't go anywhere already. Marriage life is so boring. Everytime stay at home, he will only surf his net and play his games. I have nothing to do and find shows to watch. Bloody she will enjoy herself outside. This is really testing my limit. I want to sell the car away and get one on our own. She want to use car, buy herself. I don't want to keep staying at home and cannot go anywhere, all because of her. Fucking boring. I hate this!!!!!! I don't want to stay with her but how to bring this up. It's already fix that all of them moved over with us to our new flat. Walao, really sian. I don't want!

Unreasonable

Someone very funny. Ask us whether can on the way send them to my mum's place, I told her I need to check if my FIL has work on that day. If yes then we send him to work and on the way pick them up and go back together. She actually replied asking "hah, there's no confirm answer? if no then we go up ourselves". Oh please, must everything have confirm answer straight away! Going back is next weekend issue, so fast must arrange meh? What is so urgent? Crazy, as if I no need to work, nothing better to do. I already asked Dear and he agreed but I still cant confirm if my FIL is working or not. She got nothing better to do is it. Everytime think so far for what.

Why why why?

Why so many people asking me "so how", "got any news", "are you pregnant already". Actually I am really sick of answering this question. I knew that they're concerned about me but indrirectly gave me a lot of stress. My friend who is trying for baby is pregnant already. Why other people are getting pregnant, given birth and when is my turn. I hate myself for not able to put things down. I tried very hard not to think about it but people keep reminding me. Sian la. I wish I can brain wash myself and don’t think about it. Hope others don’t remind me again and again. I want to clear my mind.