Another colleague quit!

Another colleague quit again! Yesterday she throw letter infront of all of us in the meeting room. Steady sia. 3 colleagues quitted. When director talked to her, she actually tell her that she is scare of taking over Malaysia. Cos she saw me crying when I am too stress. My god, now everyone knew I cried…:( I don’t know where to hide :(

The nightmare had started

Just received the call letter for budget from director. The nightmare had started….. This afternoon, we will have a meeting on how are we gg to arrange the duties among the Junior officers.. I really don’t want to know what am I gg to do. I am already having panic attack..:(

No arrangement made yet!!!!!!!!

Mdm Quek is leaving in one week time. No arrangment is made! I don’t understand what are they thinking. Are they expecting me to take over her duties. Fat hope. Please! I am not a super woman. Today another colleague hand in letter. See, one fine day this dept need to close shop or the managers have to do themselves when everyone quit. I am not going to give myself stress. If they are going to dump everything to me, i will hand in letter liao.....

Making my first blanket

Have been searching for cloth over the long weekend. Only until yesterday I got some nice cloths. Was very happy with my loots. We went People's Park. We walked and walked and thought couldn’t find any nice cloth. Then it was like a flash when I caught an eye on the Hello Kitty fabric! I didn’t expect to see it there. Haha. I bought 2 yards of it. I also bought satin cloth for my backing and batting to insert in the middle.

Preparing the fabric is tired. Drawing the outline and cutting squares by squares also tough. Very hard to cut nicely, got a lot of frays at the sides of the square but bopian. Sewing on the line is also difficult, when I step onto the machine, it just go very fast and tend to slant abit. I took 5 hrs to prepare and join them together for 5 rows of 9 squares.

Here are the cloths I bought at Toa Payoh. It was ex, Arab street and People's Park cheaper.

My collection of cloth

Half way done.

Close up

What is the point of asking............

Recently I find it very stressful to face my parent in laws. My mother in law keep asking me to apply for teaching position. The prob is I check le and I have to pass O level English in order to be a kindergarden teacher. Teaching is not so easy lor, why should I quit a stressful job and get myself another stressful job. Nowadays kids are hard to teach. Why she think it's so easy? Ask her daughter go and teach lor since she likes challenges.

My father in law keep asking how is my work, has it been settle…The prob is the worst scenario has not come yet. It will be in Nov. What is the point of asking when they cannot solve my prob. I do not wish to talk about it at all. Sian lor. Why time flies so fast? It's mid Sep already. when the day gets nearer, the more pressure I feel. I really wish Oct never comes………...

1st Year Anniversary

Time passed very fast. Yesterday was our 1st year anniversary. We went Crowne plaza hotel at Changi T3 for dinner. The restaurant name is Azur restaurant. Service was good however the food variety wasn’t a lot. Was abit disappointed in the food variety. My colleague was still praising the food was nice.

The lights are very dim.

Below are the food i ate.


Salmon, very fresh


























Deserts
























A mixture of food. Sweet and sour fish was nice





















Drunken prawns, Jason ate, i dun eat prawns

Tahu Goreng

Overall, everything was so so. Not really worth the price.

Nothing I can do but to live on with it

I duno why. Whenever I face my computer, I will have extremely painful headache. My head is like gg to burst. Then I feel like crying, always crying non stop. I am really unhappy.

Yesterday jus brought out my courage and tell my in laws. They don’t really support my decision but ask me to relax. Do whatever I can. Telling ppl to relax is very easy, they are not standing at my position.

Anyway, there is nothing I can do but to live on with it. I have been living under no choice condition. Nothing I can do.

I am very scare I get depression. I am having stupid thoughts of ending everything. I don’t want!!! God, please bless me. Please let me forget everything.

Miracle????

Is there really miracle????? Can it happen on me? I need a change badly :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIN79n4jVo&feature=related

Feeling blue

This is the first time i blog everyday. Alot of thoughts came to me. My mind is fully occupied.

Is it really something wrong with me? I couldn’t control my emotions, couldn't sleep at night. I don't dare to look at ppl face to face, my eyes are swollen. My direct manager keep checking on me, asking me if I can cope. He ask me to do something but he don't dare to rush me. I guess he is scare I will resign too. But I really cannot cope when Nov comes. No matter got anyone come and help or not. All of them know it's very stressful. But they cannot sacrifice me like that..

Few days ago, I thought my mense come but it was having brown discharge for 3 days and today a little red, less than 5cent coin. Is my mense coming or not….. Very sian leh. dragging like that. I am really very tired of it…..feel like giving up on everything.

Regrets

Biggest regret is to go for my degree. For what get that piece of paper and can't get a new job! Just because you got no experience or irrelevant experience (quoted by "them")? No one give me a chance, how to gain experience.

2nd regret is to marry late. Seeing other ppl all have kids and i don't have. Seriously, i am very envy....and very sad. All they say is "don't worry la, soon will be your turn". When? When the day i no need to worry and stress over work lor.

3rd regret is to agree to go over to GCP which is what i am doing now. I thought by taking over Siew Pheng's job which is financially related can help me to gain some experience so that i can find a new job soon. They do budgeting, payment of invoices, tracking of budget, etc etc. But so what, i am stressing myself too much. Completely change of work scope is too drastic a change for me. Mentally cannot absorb. But who care about me....No one care whether i can do it or not. Just do it. Get it done by what time...this is urgent...All the shit things.

Since taking over her job, my life changed drastically. My menses don't come regularly. I have to depend on medication. I put on weight because of the side effects. Why am i sacrificing myself for a stupid job where no one appreciate my work. Work so hard and yet what i get. They're expecting too much on me. I couldn't take it anymore. It's time for me to make a decision........

What had happened to me!

I am so sad. Just now saw the Hush puppies shorts got sales. Judy, Joyce and I wanted to buy. Each of us took XL and XXL to try. Judy and Joyce can wear XL and I cant even fit into XXL!!!!!!!!!! I need to wear XXXL!!!!!!!!!!! Boo Woo. Really feel like committing suicide. I have grow so much. Argh!!!!!!!! I cannot believe myself. I hate my body so much. Why am I so fat now? That stupid pills! I am so scare to meet up with friends now. When I see friends outside, I don’t dare to approach them. They will start asking me if I am pregnant otherwise wondering what had happened to me. All cant believe that I put on so much weight…. :(

To quit or not to quit (major decision)

I am defeated. My the other colleague hand in resignation letter before me. she is clever. Now is the best time to quit cos next mth onwards will have to struggle with budget..another colleague is gg to give birth in Nov. I am gg to die young if I continue to work like that. Should I quit? I really cannot take it if everything is on me. If a new person come in also jialat, I will not be able to teach him or her because I am not very clear myself. What am I supposed to do???????????? I am really lost.

If I quit, what will be the outcome. Will my in laws nag at me? I will not be able to give my parents money, how? I am tired of life. Can someone please guide me :'''''(

What is actually wrong with me?

Why cant I be like normal woman? Having menses regularly, knowing where is the ovulation……all this seems to be very hard to achieve for me. Do I want all this to happen to me? how can I be more optimistic on this issue. Super hard.

I know I am pessimistic but I cant help it. I am trying not to think about it but the thoughts just always on my mind. I hate the waiting period. The period wan to come or not? I don’t know. When is it coming? I don’t know. How many days is my menses? I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!! I wan to know what the hell is happening. I am scare of ppl telling me and advising what am I suppose to do. God, please help me.